Just Trying to Listen

Sometimes I am amazed at the mere act of parenting as I stumble through it.  Now that I've finally gotten over my selfish pity party over the "difficulties" of my life (I know, I wish I was kidding), yes, I do realize that being a twin mommy is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do (hugs to my BFF, Melissa, who's in the throws of that as we speak...), it's also, by far, the BEST and MOST WONDERFUL and MOST AMAZING and MOST REWARDING and EXCELLENT (OK, I ran out of words...but hopefully you get my drift...and Melissa, I MEAN IT) thing I'll EVER experience in this world.  As the girls get older, it becomes so much easier just to take it one day at a time (no more feeding on a 3 hour interval, breast pumps, bottles, purees, or acid reflux), and just ENJOY those precious "normal life" moments that can truly sweep you off of your feet...if you'll let them!

Tonight was one of those...and it has sent me in a tailspin of "deep thoughts"...so bear with me while I just spend one unusual, rambling post.  Hopefully it will at least be somewhat uplifting, and I promise, I'm simultaneously uploading a whole new set of pictures of my little lovebugs so that the next post will be more of what you really want to see...PICTURES!

First, I AM SO BLESSED (Thanksgiving appropriate concept, right?)  I could NEVER put into words how lucky I am.  I've got a wonderful family, a magnificent husband, a dog that drives me nuts (but loves me as much as anyone I've ever known), and two precious little GIRLS (not babies anymore...sniff, sniff)  I am just baffled at how much they really just seem to "get it"...the compassion in their hearts amazes me.  It's the main reason why Macy won't hug Papaw right now...it's not as much that she's scared as it is that she just feels bad for him.  She HATES for anyone to be sick or sad!  Today Gary is in St Louis to be with his family in the sudden loss of his Aunt Debi (may God bless her soul), and Macy and Makayla don't even really know that part of the family, but just know that we've been praying for Uncle Kevin "because he's sad" and both girls just want him to feel better (and they're convinced Daddy will do the trick! ;)

In spite of that heaviness, tonight was one of those nights when everything at home just went RIGHT!  The girls were THRILLED to see me when I walked into their classroom at school, there were no tears because of those doggone confining seat belts on the way home (OK, Macy puked a little, but we're just kinda used to that by now), the girls ate great for dinner, and then had fun baths.  At the end of the bath, while trying to distract them from being cold, I just started singing Christmas songs (something I'm usually adamantly against until the 4th Friday in November ;)  It tickled me how they just kinda stopped what they were doing and listened to my (pitiful) singing.  After we got dry and jammied up, I continued my "series" of Bible stories around Baby Jesus.  This one was past the angels and up to his birth in the barn.  The girls listened with more intensity than I have probably ever seen.  After the story, I started singing Away in a Manger.  Makayla crawled close in my lap while Macy went and got hers and Makayla's babies and just started rocking them.  I can't really explain why it was so sweet, but just the look on her face almost took my breath away.  I kept singing and moved on to Silent Night, and Makayla just continued to hold me tight while Macy rocked her babies.  Again, there was just something in her eyes...I choked up before finishing, and that kind of threw her by surprise, but she just still seemed to "get it"...it was definitely "our moment"...mine, my daughters, and our God's.  It's been a while since I felt him like that, and man, it was cool!

So back to my tailspin, (if that weren't enough), recently I downloaded a few songs from a CD that I had several years ago, but somehow lost it, so it's been a while since I'd heard the music  There's a beautiful song on there called "Speak to Me"...this morning on the way to work, I listened to it...over and over.  It took me back to another time...about 4 years ago.  A very sad time in my life filled with infertility, Endocrinologists, shots...many, many shots...bloodwork, ultrasounds, hormones, patches, and about everything else you can think of in that "space" of medicine.  It was a 3-year heartwrenching process that took every ounce of energy out of me...but that song at that time said all that I needed to say..."I'm listening for you...and your still, small voice.  Speak to me O Lord, I need a word from you.  I'm broken and I'm nothing.  All I want is you."  During that emotional and difficult time, I was able to hear God's voice, and it was because of that voice that I made it through...and ended up being SO GREATLY rewarded.  Now, the broken part is healed.  Life is good...no, it's AMAZING.  We've had a pretty crazy year this year, and I've relied on just about everything BESIDES God to try to ease the stress, but in the end, I just need to listen for him to speak to me...and boy do I love the way he did it tonight!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!